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Being a good polyamorous partner to a monogamous spouse
In most of the poly mono relationships that I have seen work, the monogamous person has accepted that the polyamorous partner will have other partners and they work on exact rules and how to deal with the emotions that arise. Reply. JC Cincinati says: 7th March 2018 at 15:45 While your actual success of finding a quality polyamorous partner may be limited, many people looking for partners like to start here because the site is relatively cheap and easy to use. Meetup. If you’re wondering how to find polyamorous partners, consider mobile apps that focus on finding people of similar interests. A polyamorous relationship is the practice of relationships with more than one partner where all parties involved are informed and have consented to the polyamorous relationship. Unlike monogamous relationships in which a person only has one partner, polyamory has many forms and no limit to the number of partners. A polyamorous relationship involves having more than one sexual or romantic partner, with all partners agreeing to the arrangement. Read to learn how it works. I am a mono partner in the current polyamorous relationship, which includes my girlfriend and her boyfriend. I had fallen in love with my girlfriend long before I found out about her being poly and I had known about her boyfriend before I agreed to enter into the relationship. “Often, one partner is more into the idea of experimenting with the polyamorous lifestyle than the other,” explains Thompson. If that’s the case, it can cause a problematic power imbalance. In a polyamorous relationship, everyone should be on the same page and agree to have another partner. Here are the different types of polyamorous relationships: “V” type – one person is the center of the relationship. Two people have a romantic relationship with that central person, but they don’t have a romantic relationship with each ...
I need to vent about Lagoon Lounge (Spoilers for full series)
2020.09.25 14:15 AnotherGayAccountI need to vent about Lagoon Lounge (Spoilers for full series)
I just finished Lagoon Lounge 3 and I just needed to say... Why is there no happy ending for Yamato 😭 He was the only one I cared about (aside from Arashi but I knew that wasn't going anywhere since he was HD remake only). It seems like every ending sort of sucks for someone so I thought "Oh the sixth ending must be when I choose the CG route for each person revealing the polyamourous/open relationship ending where everyone finds happiness!" But no it turned out to be some creepy ending for Sousuke's Brother. I thought for sure when Gou said he was going to turn the place into a bed and breakfast in his ending it was hinting that he'd get Yamato to help him run it in the poly ending since he's the more outgoing manager and they'd become co-owners with benefits or something. Then Rai would feel guilty about being the one who convinced Yuujirou to stay and offer to pay for any artificial insemination or surrogates he would need to have children so Yuujirou could just fall in love with any gender person. And they'd all occasionally group up together for good time fucking. Or they'd form into distinct pairs. I didn't even care if my character couldn't be with Yamato in this ending. I just wanted to see him happy! Seriously everyone else gets Christmas Music and either a happy ending (Souske, Rai) or at least bittersweet hope for the future (Rou, Yuujirou). But the only chubby guy has to leave town and be miserable! It ended up being a sour note on what was otherwise a series that was good enough for me to play through despite not being particularly attracted to most of the cast. I know a LL4 is never going to happen but I hope there is HD remake of LL3 one day that gives him an ending where he and Gou become full business partners or he breaks even with his restaurant and jet sets around the world with Arashi or something On a side note some of the consent in this series was very questionable but I assumed it was just a cultural difference. I was hoping the main character would be called out on it in the end but they didn't really resolve that either.
2020.09.23 15:30 P-U-N-Kdom22[T4R]Charlotte, NC - Gentle Polyamourous Mommy-Type Domme Seeking Submissive/Switch to be a Romantic Partner and Plaything IRL
About me -> 22 year old TransWoman, 5’5”, 185 Ibs. Mixed race but most people would say I am an olive toned white person. I have been on Hormone Replacement therapy for 4 years with stunning results as far as breast growth and a more femmine structure. I have plans to get surgery for my bottom parts at some point, so any one looking for post-op you can move on now. I am a little thicc but also have a fair amount of strength. Im not some frail little thing, who can hold her own and be rough when need be. I’m Pansexual and polyamorous; I currently have a Dominant who I am owned by and, with his consent, am looking for a new Submissive Romantic partner. You will not be in a relationship with my owner to start, but since he is poly there is potential. I used to have a submissive that I owned and was my Plaything, but in a complicated series of events, that I would perfer to explain via PM, they are gone now and we are no longer together. My dominant also has a little space he gets into frequently so I tend to be his Mommy then, but that relationship is non-sexual. The submissive I had liked to be called “Mommy’s Sextoy” if that gives any indication of some of the power dynamics I am into. I dont like to have short relationships with people so preferably we would become friends first and hopfully grow into partners. Trust and communication are key here and I want to really get to know you as a person. I like all kinds of people and tend to be attracted by personalities more than bodies. Not to say I dont have certain likes or dislikes, and i would def say I have a thing for people who identify as alternative, punk, or goth. I have a lot of interests ranging from parkour and breakdancing to videogames (Legend of Zelda, Fallout, Skyrim, Darksiders, Pokemon) and anime (Naruto, The Law of Ueki, Yakkatte Japan, PSYCO-PASS, CowboyBeebop, My Hero Academia) so if you like that kinda stuff, awesome. I’m a meme queen for certain; filled with absurdist and sarcastic humor. My favorite obsession right now is building my he new Yugioh Switch game to playtes decks to hopfully use competitively in real life (I get so anxious to play at tournaments though). I love all kinds of adventures even if thats just a trip to the super market, however Im easily entertained, so you don’t have to worry about constantly holding my attention. I like to do abstract drawings in nature as well as write poetry, so show me your cool nature spots to chill. My music tatses are all over the place but I really like Jazz, Lofi, Angsty Alternative, and memey music. Also especially looking for someone who would be 420 friendly so we could smoke together. I smoke for medicinal and recreational purposes, but I am very respectful of everyone’s preferences and only smoke if I have consent. If you dont like it just tell me. As a Dominant I tend to be a more gentle and loving type rather than hyper agressive/rough. That is not to say I haven’t had experince being rough but naturally I am more akin to slower types of play for more sensitive indviduals. I love being a mommy for my littles whether that relationship be platonic, romantic, sexual, or some mix. I am not only into littles and people who like ageplay. I have experince in a wide range of kinks (receiving and giving) including: Humiliation, Impact Play, Pet play, Consensual Non-Consent, Roleplay/Charchters, Bondage, Toys, Knifeplay/Bloodplay, Power Exchange, Human Sex Toy/Doll Play, Choking, Marking, Temprature Play, Teasing/Edging, Forced Orgasam, Dress-Up, and proably some other niche things I cant remember. Suffice to say I have a wide range of interestis and experience after being in the BDSM lifestyle for 5 years. Im not looking for one particular thing in a submissive as I want you to come as you are; one of my biggest pleasures as a Domme is your pleasure. Knowing Im making someone feel good really does something for me. I am also open to a switch as I enjoy being dominanted just as much as I enjoy dominating. Ideally you would also have a wide range of tastes and hopfully some experince as a Top, but I am a great teacher I feel like, esepcially when it comes to my wants/likes. I understand that some submissives may be seeking a TPE dynamic and unfortunately I cannot offer that do to my mental health. I have Owned or collared a submissive before, but understand there would not be a TPE dynamic at play. I cannot make all of your decisions and you need to be a mostly functioning adult already. I will imply rules for you to follow and you would be subject to orders at my discretion. I have no problem getting to this level with a sub, but it will take time as I have to be just as much ready as the submissive is. There is a lot of trust needed for this type of dynamic on both ends, so just be honest with me and we can talk openly. A few final pieces of the puzzle for anyone who has read this far I am looking for an IRL relationship. I do not mind long distance but there will need to be potential to see you semi regularly. I live in the Charlotte, NC area so as you get further away I will be less inclined to proceed with the relationship. I can travel, but since I am looking for a romantic partner I would ask we try to travel eaually. My preference on your age would be between 21-27. I will accept people younger (18+ of course) based on maturity, however the max age i will accept will be 33 and that is pushing it. I am also looking for someone who is STD free and able to prove it with a recent screening from your doctor. I have a polycule to think about so I need to be safe for all of their sake and my own. I understand it is alot to ask but Safety is important. I would like to say again that Being 420 friendly is bonus points for me, but in no way to do I want to exculde people who dont smoke; you just need to be aware and accept that I do smoke. I hope you have enjoyed this post and hopfully I have made a few people either blush, wet, hard, gasp, smile, or something else entirely. PM me or set up a chat if your interested; Mommy is waiting for you dearie.
2020.09.18 01:59 LydiaFleurIs this narcissistic abuse? (Sorry for long post)
(All initials are fake) TW: Sex, guilt tripping So me and my ex (NEX) were friends and she was in a bad relationship with someone and I helped get them out of that relationship. Then she got very attached to me and basically moved in with me. We started dating in summer 2017 when she visited me in my home country. A couple of months later she had a big breakdown because her "dependent" wasn't in her home country with her. So I moved there to be with her. Our first time having sex (and my first time ever) she took my hand and led me into the bedroom. Took off all my clothes while she stayed fully clothed and tied me to the bed. Then she left the room, leaving me there, for about 20 minutes. I didn't want to do anything but I was tied up and I wanted to please her because she made me feel so guilty any time I would say no (which I had done in the past until I finally caved this time --I was a sex-repulsed asexual. After all the guilt-trips it caused me to become hypersexual). When she came back she tried spanking me with a crop, but it was just ticklish to me, so her friend, CB, from the other room came in to find out why I was laughing and NEX got them to hit me with the cane. Both of them fully clothed and me still naked and tied to the bed. CB proceeded to hit me as hard as they could with the crop, which still tickled to me, until they hit to high and started hitting the bottom of my back, where my kidneys were. That hurt a lot. NEX then announces that I'm too much effort and decided to stop and buy takeaway instead. I get dressed. That was my first time. (For unrelated reasons NEX cut off CB not long after that.) After that NEX gave up doing anything to me, and instead asked me to do stuff to her. Sometimes I obliged, but whenever I said no she would guilt me until I did what she asked. When I eventually told her what she was doing she yelled at me and told me not to do that to her again. She still continued to guilt me whenever I said no though. She was always in the overdraft, even when receiving university loan. She wanted to drop out of uni, so I asked her to look into a disability like I was on (I'm disabled) before doing that so we could still pay rent. She didn't and just dropped out of uni and then had a breakdown about not having enough money to pay rent. Our friend, JT, finally got her to the disability payments centre to sign up and I called my parents and borrowed money-1000 from them for rent and food. NEX immediately wanted to get a takeaway when she learnt we had money. We catsit for JT's friend, so I ask NEX to clean under the bed so it's safe and clean for the cats because I was in pain from cleaning the rest of the flat. She says she does and then when looking for the kitten I find him under there and it is NOT clean (literally 0 effort was made). He comes out covered in dust, so I lock the room and clean it myself. Under the bed I find NEX's ex-friend CB's (remember them from earlier?) birth certificate (kind of important you know), NEX wants to throw it away, but I convince her to let me message CB to give it back to them (sidenote: They used to sleep together. One time they fucked while drunk and instead of calling it "drunken sex" NEX said they raped each other). When they arrive NEX invites them in; CB tells them about how JA (our upstairs neighbour who lives with NEX's ex and NEX described as an abusive friend) was sorry, so NEX decided to get back in contact with them. They hang out for a couple of weeks while I take care of the cats (a male kitten with attachment issues and female adult in heat and with a bad leg which required me to give them meds. So it wasn't easy, they had to be kept separate but both needed attention). Then NEX gets sick of JA and CB and decides to cut them both off completely. No explanation, no warning. Just blocks them both on everything. They obviously get confused and start messaging me and coming to our door. NEX makes me block them too, even though I begged her to let me just say a simple "sorry, NEX doesn't want to be friends anymore". After the cats go back to their owner, me and NEX get a kitten of our own. Let's call him CAT. I teach CAT how to sit, wait, lie down, give his paw, and speak, all in sign language. I cleaned his litter tray because NEX didn't like going near poop. And I fed him and cleaned the food bowl because she didn't like the look of cat food. And I got on the floor and played with him. She had a lot of breakdowns about how he preferred me. JT paid for CAT using his savings (because NEX had spent all our money) and I told him I was going to start up a monthly plan to pay him back. NEX yelled at me because she didn't want to pay him back, and gave him her old tablet instead which was worth less than the cat and she was also planning on giving him anyway. I signed up for extra disability payments. Had a terrible time in the review and was denied it. JT came with me and spooned me to sleep afterwards because I was so depressed and anxious. NEX then started yelling at him and everyone fell out while I was sleeping off my depression. I literally woke up to screaming and a slamming door as JT stormed out. I got everyone together to talk to help them forgive each other. Turns out JT was just defending me because NEX was yelling about how I was going to "milk" being sad because of the disability payment rejection and that he was just trying to steal her away from me. They all made up and NEX said she had only said that about me because it's something her Nana says about her. All of the bills were in my name, but when me and NEX went to get our disability payments combined she made sure all of the income went into her account. Because she was always money-250 in the overdraft that had to be covered before she sent me the money for the bills. She then took the remaining money and split it 50/50, despite me getting a higher disability payment than her and the fact that I did our part of the grocery shopping for the flat. She'd still end up in the overdraft by the next months payment, I still have no idea where all that money went. Everytime I got birthday or Christmas money from my Grandparents it went straight into her bank account to cover the overdraft. NEX kept having breakdowns about how little money we had, so I got a job as a stripper to bring in extra income. All the money went to NEX. Flash forward a couple of months, me and NEX are collecting prescriptions and she points to a random girl she knew from uni and said that "she's worse than your sister" (you know, the one who gave me PTSD, BPD, and DID). I went to spend the night at JT's because I was so upset. Next morning I came back and she wrote a list comparing me to her abusive ex because I stayed the night at JT's and then called people in to the bedroom one by one to talk to them and forgive them for upsetting her. After all that she was most concerned about JT being mad at her. Not that she upset me so much I had to leave my own flat. Another couple of months later she has a breakdown because I haven't proposed. So next thing I know we're engaged. Then we started dating SK (we're polyamourous). NEX insisted that we take things super slow, like not even allowed to kiss him. Then she goes over to see BX (SK's partner who lives with him and NEX's friend) and comes back gushing about how they had sex (NEX and SK, not BC). Which was completely against the rules we had set. She continued to sleep with him, and wouldn't let me see him alone even though I was dating him too and she constantly went to see him alone. Everytime I asked to have some alone time with him she'd have a breakdown. She also asked out JT on behalf of both of us even though I didn't want to date him. This was after me driving him all the way to another city about 8 hours away for an appointment and back in the same day so I was exhausted. A couple of months later again: Me, her and SK had sex together, as you do when you're in a relationship together. But it was before I could actually DO (I used to not be able to have penetrative sex due to my disability) anything. So I got majorly triggered and wanted to stop, but they continued to have sex next to me while I was frozen. After that I said I wanted to go for a drive to clear my head, SK tried to stop me, but NEX said I did that all the time (I had never done that, she just wanted time with him alone) when I got back I explained what happened to NEX and they promised not to do it in front of me again, or have sex in the flat while I was about. About a month later they fucked in the shower, loudly. Triggering me again. I just wanted to be depressed and talk myself through it but NEX wouldn't leave me alone, saying that it was ridiculous and I couldn't be mad at her. So I said I forgave her and moved on. At one point our bed broke, so we were sleeping on a mattress on the floor, all the getting up and down caused me to tear a lesion (and have an endo flare up), which left me bedbound. Instead of caring for me like I did full-time for her (I cooked, cleaned, did the shopping, comforted her through her breakdowns, etc), NEX went to stay with SK, leaving JT with me to help care for CAT (despite the fact he was a full-time carer for his sister and she needed him). I couldn't even stand to get to the toilet, I had to literally drag myself on all fours to get there. After about a week of this I called her crying and begged her to come back because I loved her and wanted her there with me. It took a while, but eventually I recovered and we got a new bed, and I went back to being her full-time carer again. Later on I started dating my current partner (let's just call him Partner) and she starts dating FQ (a kind-of friend of mine too, I helped them out when their parents nearly disowned them and got them a job at the club I worked at) and I don't dedicate 100% of my time caring for her because I travel to Partner's home to take him to appointments and see him. I accidentally upset our roommate by having sex while she's in the flat (I'd had only just begun to be able to have sex because of my endo, and Partner was really gentle with me). I apologise, but then get a call from NEX saying that Roommate called her to complain. Before the sex happened I told Roommate that we'd try to keep it down when we joked about having sex later. When I heard her complain I immediately stopped and went to apologise and make her a cup of tea. She said she wanted me to go and she wanted to be alone. So I locked up and left the flat and left her a message saying so, apologising again, and saying we'd be back later. Get another call from NEX saying how mad she is because Roommate said I'd left. I tried explaining but she wouldn't listen. Panic set in so I went home and just stayed in my room. I texted Rommate first to warn her I was coming home. Still got shit. This time from SK too. I couldn't take anymore, so I went to Partner's home because he was panicking too. A week later I come home and the "intervention" happens. I understand I fucked up. But I apologised and tried my best to make it right. I got messages from SK and BC as I was driving home saying horrible things and demanding that Partner be left out of it and not come with me. When I arrived back they locked me out. I had to beg to be let in, and eventually they unchained the door. I walked into the lounge and there was 6 (NEX, SK, BC, FQ, Roommate, and NEX's mother) of them sitting on every chair. I was made to sit on the floor with all of them looking down at me, and then they yell at me simultaneously about how I've been abusing NEX for 2 years (since we were friends, and before we had met any of them). I sit there and take it because I went into survival mode, and then they said it was good I wasn't making things worse by trying to defend myself. NEX even said that I had been neglecting CAT and that I didn't care about him anymore, despite the fact that I was the one who cleaned his litter box and fed him and cleaned his food bowls. She also kept saying about how she was "fine" with me going to see SK by myself, and that I was just lying to make her look bad. FQ told me the the only reason they hadn't "beaten me to a pulp" was the fact that NEX was a self-proclaimed pacifist. Later that evening when me and NEX were alone together NEX started telling me about all the people they beat up in high school. JT and SK break up with me, and BC stays overnight to make sure I don't "do anything" to NEX. I try to sleep on the couch because I went instantly into survival mode when I arrived back. I was told to sleep in the bed with NEX, she told me she wanted everything to go back to normal and that it was all "Water under the bridge". I say at about 1am that I'm going to stay with my cousin and check myself into a mental health place, but stop and see Partner first because their mental health was bad and it was too late to see my cousin right away. Went to stay with Partner instead because he was begging me to leave (and my cousin cut contact with me when they learned I was LGBT+, which I had told NEX previously). I leave the flat to find that my tyres have been slashed. Partner calls his friend and she picks me up. The next week I finally get the courage to break up with NEX. She goes to the disability payment centre and changes our things to separate accounts again, but keeps her bank details on both (SK messaged me telling me that she had done this, but not that she kept her bank details on both). So next time I was due to be paid she got the money (over money-500) and kept it for herself; the bills were still in my name so I had to fight with her to pay her share, seeing as I still paid mine despite not living there anymore, eventually she sent the money, but not all of it (I had been paying for Spotify for her, so I cancelled it to make up some of the difference, and messaged her saying so). She also ordered a lot of takeaway using my number as the contact so I had to let them all know that their takeaway had arrived in the middle of the night. Also her and JT gathered up all the photos they had with me in them and burned them. And posted this publicly over social media. Roommate blackmailed me with the car, and stole my private documentation from me. She was refusing to give me the car details so I could transfer the car to her name (which we had agreed to do), until I sent her money-3000 (despite the fact I had already paid her over my share of the total car payment, and I had been giving her free driving lessons). I had to get my parents to call her parents to get it sorted. My father (who's in his 70's) came to help me move my stuff out of the apartment, and FQ came running over to his car screaming about how he was going to beat him up and how Parter shouldn't even be there because it was "none of his business". Eventually he went inside to be with NEX, luckily my dad wasn't harmed. Sorry it's so long, this is everything I remember happening in the relationship. I just think their reaction to my fuck up was very OTT. Like I know I fucked up, and I tried my best to make it better, but they were having none of it. Sorry if their are typos, I'm dyslexic and initials are really hard for me to use.
2020.09.17 11:19 rienafairebunnyQuestions and advises about being poly
Hi, guys! Hope youre doing well. So, currently I'm in "polyrelationships" where my bf has abother gf. It hurts me a lot cuz I came to understanding that I'm not a poly person during this relationships. Thus I have some questions to those who are or were in a good and harmonic poly relationships. And also to those who successfully went from poly to mono and otherwise.
What is emotional closeness?
How do you keep it with more than one partner?
Can you feel the same closeness with more than one partner?
Is it possible that you have multiple partners sharing the same level of emotional closeness?
Is it possible to love more than one person but share the emotional closeness with only one?
Is it polyamory?
Is it possible that the poly person have no emotional closeness with his partners but feels love?
Can you call a person polyamourous when he's afraid of emotional closeness but his partners are really emotional bonded to him?
Can a person declare the same love to his partners but he's afraid of having the emotional closeness to them? Is this even a polyamory?
How do you describe a concept of polyamory?
I can larger this list as far as my thinking process goes. But anyways thank you in advance, it's really important to me to know different opinions.
2020.09.09 15:12 Astareal38Trying to Navigate dealing with partner wanting to be non-monogamous
Hey All! So last year my(M35) wife(F30) decided they were tired of holding back their non-monogamous tenancies and were just going to do it. Things were rushed, lines were crossed non-maliciously, I got hurt, and they decided to pull back for us to do counselling. Counselling was... uninspiring. Near the end (before Covid hit in March) they were saying they had no interest of pursuing other people because of how badly things had gone before. She blamed my unease with opening up entirely on my relationship history(4/5 of my serious relationships ended with my partner cheating on me and leaving me for the person they cheated on me with), and did not take any responsibility on how her actions were wrong. In counselling we talked about how I felt I had little to no choice in opening up... either I left, or we opened. I do not want this. I have no want to go through the frankly humiliating amount of energy expenditure it would take to seek other partners when the person I actually want is at home. I'm the one with the higher libido, and who is the pursuer. I don't feel that my intimate/sexual needs are being met, and honestly fear a redirection of time and energy to pursuing other partners will leave me with even less than I have now. They've mentioned that it's their body and that they don't need my consent to engage in play with other people. That we were never "monogamous", they just never pursued other people in the 5 years we've been together, partially because she got pregnant with our now 3 year old. We talked about baby steps, taking things slow, maybe doing some swinging so I could get my feet wet, them engaging in play with women(I am threatened by men because that is what has caused the downfall of my previous relationships, and I can more easily compare myself to them. If I were left for a woman, it would still suck but there is different energy brought to the table there. There was some miscommunication within counselling, she mentioned she didn't like labels. Said she didn't want to engage in any kind of relationship with these people, she just wanted friends with benefits; but also mentioned several time she wanted to be free to spread her Love. She brought up how she loves her friends and how it doesn't detract with what we have and she sees sex with other people no different then playing board games with someone. She's equally at risk falling in love with someone she meets in a dance class than she is being friends with benefits with them. So it was never really explained whether she was open to being polyamourous, or just wanted friend with benefits really. Anyhow, our relationship got stronger between the fuck up and March and we were communicating better. Covid hit and understandably alot of those baby steps flew out the window. Still it seemed like a good place to start... Well... cue a few more months and the feelings are back. They've mentioned that it's just how they are and that me not being supportive of it makes them feel like I don't love them, or accept them fully. That was said in June. They said they don't want to play with Women, they just want to engage in solo play. To "fuck something novel". They want the freedom to do what they want, when they want, with whom they want should the feeling strike. A couple of their friends told them that since I don't trust her anyway, she may as well go out and fuck people. That I just needed to overcome my insecurities and let her be her and get over myself. At the beginning of the relationship she mentioned her wanting us to experience other people. At the time I guess we didn't expand on that and I incorrectly assumed that it would be done as a couple. Solo play never crossed my mind. Then things got serious between us and she flat out told me that she didn't think she would feel as fulfilled and satisfied being mono as she was. Then she got pregnant. When the topic of her finding play partners came up again she told me "Well what I told you was true. But it doesn't mean I never wanted to play with others." But now she's tired of waiting. Knows I don't have a strong drive to play with others so sees no point in taking baby steps. A lot of shit happened last year that I'm trying to just let go, but at the same time it reminds me that any inch I give her she runs as fast and as far as she can go with it because she's excited. Last week she met up with a friend they lost contact with for coffee and have now disclosed to me they might be interested in playing with them. Cue my brain fucking me over. I keep having vivid images of her engaging in sexual play with other people and that causes me pain and makes me withdraw emotionally and physically. It even happened when we were intimate the other night, thankfully near the end. I feel inadequate, replaceable, unsafe, and overall pretty fucking shitty. She's obviously noticed me withdrawing, and so it's stressing her out. But she wants to be un-apologetically her, and I don't think she's going to 'hold up and wait fruitlessly' while we seek pointless counselling. I feel broken, like why cant I just can't "accept and live and let live". Despite being in a closed polyamourous triad with an orbiting 4th instigated by a previous partner, I'm fairly certain I am romantically and sexually monogamous. I see engaging in solo-play with others while in a relationship as a betrayal, tainting the bond between two people by those actions, and ANY play reducing the quality of the relationship. I get I'm her lover, and the one she wants to build a future with, but once she starts playing with others i just feel like a random fuck-friend like anyone else and no longer special. I've read and done the Jealousy workbook, and I'm aware that the majority of what I am feeling is fear.
2020.09.08 23:01 Astareal38Trying to Navigate dealing with partner wanting to be non-monogamous
Hey All! So last year my(M35) wife(F30) decided they were tired of holding back their non-monogamous tenancies and were just going to do it. Things were rushed, lines were crossed non-maliciously, I got hurt, and they decided to pull back for us to do counselling. Counselling was... uninspiring. Near the end (before Covid hit in March) they were saying they had no interest of pursuing other people because of how badly things had gone before. She blamed my unease with opening up entirely on my relationship history(4/5 of my serious relationships ended with my partner cheating on me and leaving me for the person they cheated on me with), and did not take any responsibility on how her actions were wrong. In counselling we talked about how I felt I had little to no choice in opening up... either I left, or we opened. I do not want this. I have no want to go through the frankly humiliating amount of energy expenditure it would take to seek other partners when the person I actually want is at home. I'm the one with the higher libido, and who is the pursuer. I don't feel that my sexual needs are being met, and honestly fear a redirection of time and energy to pursuing other partners will leave me with even less than I have now. They've mentioned that it's their body and that they don't need my consent to engage in play with other people. That we were never "monogamous", they just never pursued other people in the 5 years we've been together, partially because she got pregnant with our now 3 year old. We talked about baby steps, taking things slow, maybe doing some swinging so I could get my feet wet, them engaging in play with women(I am threatened by men because that is what has caused the downfall of my previous relationships, and I can more easily compare myself to them. If I were left for a woman, it would still suck but there is different energy brought to the table there. There was some miscommunication within counselling, she mentioned she didn't like labels. Said she didn't want to engage in any kind of relationship with these people, she just wanted friends with benefits; but also mentioned several time she wanted to be free to spread her Love. She brought up how she loves her friends and how it doesn't detract with what we have and she sees sex with other people no different then playing board games with someone. She's equally at risk falling in love with someone she meets in a dance class than she is being friends with benefits with them. So it was never really explained whether she was open to being polyamourous, or just wanted friend with benefits really. Anyhow, our relationship got stronger between the fuck up and March and we were communicating better. Covid hit and understandably alot of those baby steps flew out the window. Still it seemed like a good place to start... Well... cue a few more months and the feelings are back. They've mentioned that it's just how they are and that me not being supportive of it makes them feel like I don't love them, or accept them fully. That was said in June. They said they don't want to play with Women, they just want to engage in solo play. To "fuck something novel". They want the freedom to do what they want, when they want, with whom they want should the feeling strike. A couple of their friends told them that since I don't trust her anyway, she may as well go out and fuck people. That I just needed to overcome my insecurities and let her be her and get over myself. Last week she met up with a friend they lost contact with for coffee and have now disclosed to me they might be interested in playing with them. Cue my brain fucking me over. I keep having vivid images of her engaging in sexual play with other people and that causes me pain and makes me withdraw emotionally and physically. It even happened when we were intimate the other night, thankfully near the end. I feel inadequate, replaceable, unsafe, and overall pretty fucking shitty. She's obviously noticed me withdrawing, and so it's stressing her out. But she wants to be un-apologetically her, and I don't think she's going to 'hold up and wait fruitlessly' while we seek pointless counselling. I feel broken, like why cant I just can't "accept and live and let live". Despite being in a closed polyamourous tried instigated by a previous partner, I'm fairly certain I am romantically and sexually monogamous. I see engaging in play with others while in a relationship as a betrayal, tainting the bond between two people by those actions, and ANY play reducing the quality of the relationship. I get I'm her lover, and the one she wants to build a future with, but once she starts playing with others i just feel like a random fuck-friend like anyone else and no longer special. I've read and done the Jealousy workbook, and I'm aware that the majority of what I am feeling is fear.
2020.09.06 05:31 LexiFjorWhat should I do about my mono/poly relationship?
Reposted from relationshipadvice because they suggested you may be able to help more So this is about to get complicated, we are a traumagenic DID system of 13 and 3 of us are engaged to a singlet monogamously. 2 of us are with another traumagenic DID system (of 17) polyamourously, 1 is kinda with the other system maybe and the other 7 are single. Well we have been with the singlet for 3+ years and the other half of the system has been with their system partner for a few months The reason I am coming here is the singlet has always been hesitant on the topic of any sort of dating rights for any alters who aren't with her, but has agreed to allow our other half to date leading to this situation- problem is she still worries, she says she is afraid our system will like the guy better than her and leave her- despite most of us having no interest in this guy- on top of that the guy knows about her hesitation and feels bad for "causing problems" Seems to me making her feel better would help everyone, she would feel better so he would feel better, they'd both feel better so we would feel better. Etc. So how can we show her that there is no reason to be insecure? I mean, by our very nature we are ATTACHED we do everything together, we are probably unbearable and tell each other how much we love each other probably 30 times a day so it's not like we neglect her time wise or emotionally What can we do? Thank you
2020.09.06 05:16 LexiFjorWhat should I do about my mono/poly relationship?
So this is about to get complicated, we are a traumagenic DID system of 13 and 3 of us are engaged to a singlet monogamously. 2 of us are with another traumagenic DID system (of 17) polyamourously, 1 is kinda with the other system maybe and the other 7 are single. Well we have been with the singlet for 3+ years and the other half of the system has been with their system partner for a few months The reason I am coming here is the singlet has always been hesitant on the topic of any sort of dating rights for any alters who aren't with her, but has agreed to allow our other half to date leading to this situation- problem is she still worries, she says she is afraid our system will like the guy better than her and leave her- despite most of us having no interest in this guy- on top of that the guy knows about her hesitation and feels bad for "causing problems" Seems to me making her feel better would help everyone, she would feel better so he would feel better, they'd both feel better so we would feel better. Etc. So how can we show her that there is no reason to be insecure? I mean, by our very nature we are ATTACHED we do everything together, we are probably unbearable and tell each other how much we love each other probably 30 times a day so it's not like we neglect her time wise or emotionally What can we do?
2020.08.31 13:48 Disastrous_Cell_2336flashback to a made up memory?? why do i lie to myself?
>>>>>>>>>TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT<<<<<<<<<< \>>>>>>>>in depth discussion of several different scenarios Sorry this is so long but it is kind of weird and complicated. thanks so much if you read the whole thing without judging and can offer any words of advice or let me know if you've heard of this kind of thing before I feel so ashamed to say this, especially around people who've actually been raped but I am so confused as to why I have done this to myself and gotten so worked up over a false memory that I remember creating??! Once I was at a house party. I got anxious and went to lie down upstairs. I had an anxiety attack imagining a guy coming upstairs and taking advantage of me somehow that became so vivid and like a real memory and I embellished it over the years. I never said it out loud to anyone though (until very recently) so I never lied about an assault for pity or attention or anything. it was a made up person i can't even imagine a face on so i never lied about anyone or ruined their lives etc at the time of this "incident" I had a steady caring boyfriend. he was my first and all our sex was consensual - although I see now I was playing an overtly sexualised role( but with zero pressure from him) I think I was kind of sex addicted/hypersexual since my teenage years. i am the opposite and celibate living in fear now. Was I just very anxious about being assaulted because its a very real ever present possibility as a woman? in the years since breaking up with that boyfriend i had quite a few sexual encounters that i felt unable to stop. i had gone into them originally consenting and i feel like the other person involved would have stopped if i'd just said something out loud. i've been groped and kissed without consent, followed by men and street harrassed and one time a guy was banging on my door and i knew he wanted to try to have sex with me. my door was locked and we were the only ones in the building so it was very scarey. someone i dated was accused of rape by their previous partner so i broke up with them but we hadnt had sex yet. a few male friends have also been cut out from my life for innapropriate or predatory sexual behaviour towards women. i think i really absorb everyone around me's traumatic experiences. I think this fake memory has just become a container for the fear i have around being raped? i feel like what i've actually been through doesn't count as much as other forms of assault. at the time of making that memory i hadnt even gone through half of what i've gone through since?! so where was this all coming from? i mentioned it in passing to my therapist last year as we were exploring reasons i have difficulty with sex and relationships now. that was a lie. i just am so absorbed in that being my backstory i pretend to myself its not lying - especially since i dont say it out loud so i feel like i hardly lie its just an internal story. the craziest thing is today i got triggered about it. i was so distraught that i told my friend what happened... thats the 2nd time i've said it out loud and i feel horrible for lying. i feel like a fraud but my pain is so real. i live in fear of being raped. in the past i have had obsessive worries and night terrors and intrusive thoughts when i try to sleep. several of my friends are suvivors ( i think i kind of am because of the sheer number of 'small' incidents accumulated over the years) . its all around me. i worry sometimes that something has happened (not related to this false memory incident) because i am so obsessed with the fear of being assaulted in worse ways than i think i have been. from the moment i was of legal age i was a highly sexual person but now understand there was a lot of performance and dissociation involved in projecting an image of being sexually free and open. i think i fawned a lot and put myself in sexual situations to feel accepted in a male dominated polyamourous social group where the men pretty much had free choice over the women. i think i have never felt a true ability to make a choice when it comes to sex. but like i said at the time of making the false memory i had had a safe sex life with one person. I do not have a history of CSA that i am aware of but i did have exposure to sexual conceptswhen i was too young via another hypersexual child. maybe i can't fully accept the things that have happened so i think of something that is more obviously clear cut sexual assault and pour my feelings into that? i just wish i hadnt tied myself up in these knots unnecassarily!!
2020.08.29 11:52 ThrowRA_AsexualhelpSeeking advice. I (m28) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (f26). She's very happy but some months after we became a couple, she told me she's asexual and has no interest in a sexual relationship with anyone.
I've been struggling with this for months now. I'm not finding this relationship to be easy, which I suppose is to be expected but I imagine this is not a challenge most people will have to face. I need to ask, am I a bad person for wanting to have a sexual experience? I'm a virgin still. Now I need to make this clear: I respect her choices. I don't discuss it, I accept we're never going to have a sexual relationship, and we still have a lot of fun going out to nice places or talking about projects, or playing video games together. But this is a big ask of me. She's asking me to never satisfy a desire I've had for years. Now here's the thing: I wouldn't mind if I had a sexual relationship with another girl. I know it sounds bad. Maybe it is. I don't really know to be quite honest. I also know my girlfriend does, in fact, support polyamourous relationships. At least she defends those who choose to have more than one partner where all involved parties know of each other's existence. And if I did have a physical relationship with another girl, I'd want my girlfriend to know. I value honesty above all else. Honestly I've been rather upset by the issue. I'm even considering asking my doctor if there's a way my sexual desires can be inhibited. I can't help but think I'm an awful person for this. Is this something I'm even allowed to want for myself? Or should I accept that I'm never going to know physical intimacy? Honestly guys, I'm just really confused. My feelings are all over the place.
2020.08.29 08:08 LydiaFleurLong-term partner ends our Dom/Sub dynamic. Am I in the wrong here?
When me [20's AFAB] and my partner [20's AMAB] got together he told me that he had a bit of experience being a Dom and had Dommed people before (his ex is a little and he was her Dom), and he was excited to Dom me as I'm very subby and a Brat. We got together romantically before we got into a D/S dynamic because being a Sub was new to me (my ex used to force me to Dom her), but when we started having sex I found I was really into it and it was so freeing for me, so we decided to continue it. However since we've started dating, the actual BDSM aspect of our relationship has been very few and far between; the sex we have is infrequent and usually pretty vanilla. And yes I've told him what I'm into, and he wants to do it too.. he just doesn't do it. We have underbed restraints that he has never used without me asking him to first. He said he wanted to try rope so I got him some and then he never used it, or researched how to use it. This is something he said he was really into. The first time I went into subdrop he had no idea what was happening or what to do - He Googled it and we went methodically through a list of suggestions he found online. After that happened he said he was going to research how to be a better Dom, I sent him some links I found to help, but he's never followed-up on it. My self-esteem was starting to get really low, and because we're polyamourous a friend suggested that she Dommes me to help me feel better (also because she was into me). But my partner says he's against that idea and wants to be my only Dom, so obviously I didn't pursue it. About a year later he got me my first collar. I was so excited and wore it all the time (then it broke a bit because it caught while I was sleeping, so he took it off me before I slept and then I gave it to him to put on me in the morning). Recently I haven't been wearing it, because I don't feel as though he's my Dom. He doesn't act like one, despite telling me he is, and that he wants to be. I asked if we could have a more 24/7 dynamic because sometimes he just doesn't want sex (fair enough, he gets some gender issues sometimes, and I definitely don't want to push sex), and he was into it... and then never acted on it despite me trying to make some lists of rules for me and helping him as much as I could, he would pull out the rules every couple of weeks or so and act like a Dom for a day. I was constantly checking to see if it was what he wanted and he assured me it was. But he still wasn't doing anything to actually ACT on it outside of once in a blue moon. And it's still been months since he's even done that. Today I had a breakdown. I felt so shit about myself and was wondering what I was doing wrong - I cook for him and do most of the cleaning, I make all the phone calls because he has anxiety and depression (even though I do too), and I keep track of his meds and reorder them when he gets low. I make sure he keeps entertained as best I can to keep his mental health from spiralling, sometimes at the suffering of my own health (I have a lot of physical and mental health problems). I'm trying my hardest to be a good partner and a good Sub. But, he just told me he doesn't want to do any BDSM stuff right now, it's not that he's not into it, he just doesn't want to be my Dom right now. I respect that it's his choice and he has no obligation to Dom me, but he stopped doing any Dom stuff out of nowhere MONTHS ago, and is only just now telling me. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm the only one making compromises in this relationship. I'm constantly checking in with him to make sure he's happy and if there's anything he would change, so he's had plenty of opportunities to voice this. He tells me he's really happy and he loves me and that there's nothing he would change - once he told me he didn't want to do the dishes everyday because he hated them (our old rule was that I cooked whatever he wanted, and then he'd do the dishes... once every 3 days), so I immediately took over the dishes chore (so now I cook whatever he wants, and then do the dishes afterwards). Apart from this the relationship is good. He helps me when my physical illnesses are flaring up by trying to cook, and he comforts me when my mental health is bad. I really love him, but I'm just so depressed because being a Sub really helped my mental health and made me to happy and now it's just... over. Is it my fault? I don't know what I did wrong. Update: We talked about it. He's not my Dom anymore but we're still in a romantic relationship. He sees that he's not been very good to me, hopefully he'll work on that. More info: His immediate reaction was to get defensive with "I didn't say that", he has a bad memory so that's his usual response when I point something out. I explained what happened and he realised that while I wasn't quoting him word-for-word (because I couldn't remember the exact wording of what he said), he did in fact say what I told him he said. He started crying because he felt bad and said he wasn't good enough to be my Dom and I told him bullshit, it's not about being good enough it's about being willing to put in the effort. He said he can't right now. So I'm no longer his sub.
2020.08.05 07:07 ChainveilNeed support (see recent post about married couples)
Some of you may remember my response to a post concerning dating married couples. My response is as follows and I would like to provide an update to this situation. "I am in a relationship with a woman who has been married to her husband for 3 years. It was going really well for a while, her husband was welcoming and polite to me and made sure I could spend time with his wife. But it took me a while to realise a few things that in turn made me realise how much couple privileges destroyed me. Firstly, I should have taken it slower. I falsely believed they had communicated a lot and figured out boundaries etc, so I felt safe to fully explore my relationship with my girlfriend. Turns out they hadn't figured things out at all. I couldn't see her more than once a week. I didn't mind at first because I have another partner and I spend time with him too. But the fact that we couldn't spontaneously plan things because of this rule, or I couldn't call for help (I suffer from a mild version of bipolar disorder, but I still get bad days every now and then), really drove me mad. I missed her, and she missed me a lot. She has really intense feelings for me, almost more than for her husband. This brings me to the second part, where I realised that both of them got into polyamory (or what they labelled as such anyway) for very wrong reasons. He wanted sex (because his wife isn't sexually attracted to him anymore) and she wanted to explore her sexual attraction to women. By now you've probably figured out what's happening. She's discovered she is a lesbian but can't bring herself to break off her marriage. Her husband is in denial, so now he is taking it out on me. He vetoed my project to go on holiday with her (I had booked almost everything) on our 1 year anniversary. He pretty much vetoed with an ultimatum in mind so now her hands are tied and it's torture. She doesn't know what to do but essentially neither of them are truly polyamourous and neither can bring themselves to accept that they are probably not going to stay married for long. In the meantime I feel dehumanised because I am not treated like a metamour, but like a rival. I don't think this is representative of polyamory in married couples, but still I was initially skeptical but went with it. Now I am just waiting to see if I am going to get dumped or just be a lesbian dream on the side, or be her one and only. And the worst in all this is that she felt insecure because she was worried I would just find other partners to "replace her", even though I feel perfectly settled with her and my boyfriend and don't wish to seek any other person out now." So she just left her husband on Monday. We talked yesterday after me telling her that I would try to give all the support she needs, that I understand if she needs time or help coming out to her family etc. Aaaand she dumped me the next day. On the basis that her projects to have a family and be with a "very close partner" were not aligned with mine. I told her that all couples make compromises and I would wholeheartedly try to find one that suits us both and suits my boyfriend. Her language is always very clear even though she doesn't realise it, but effectively based on her phrasings, she was practically telling me that I was a good "experience" and that she "admired" me. She then offered to be friends because I "matter" to her which is insulting for me after being considered for many months as basically a temporary fix, something to get her out of her marriage and then to just be discarded. She's just simply not polyamourous. And I'm foolish to have believed otherwise. I know she is trying to nip the rose in the bud to be kind, but it doesn't help me relieve this sense of having been dehumanised and not being relevant in the long run. I mentioned in my comment that I have a mild form of bipolar, this is coupled with borderline personality disorder (BPD). If some of you know what it's like, I'm kindly asking for you to reach out, or even just read my post. I was stable for a few days with my increased dose of meds but now I feel like it's going to be hell to get back up on my feet. Oh and just to be clear, again I do not think this is representative of poly married couples.
2020.07.31 19:36 Xtemporal_attunementFeeling a Bit Defeated and Very Exhausted
Hello! I've only posted in here once before, and when I did, I posted about having to deal with frequent switches due to feeling safe. Well, we don't really feel safe anymore. For some context, I'm in a polyamourous relationship, and my partners have both accepted my diagnosis and have been as supportive as possible, though no one has really known quite how to navigate things. For a while, I (host) was pushed into a very non-active co-conscious position because, suddenly feeling very safe, my alters wanted turns in front--which was understandable. This was incredibly exhausting to our body and my functionality as a host. Besides therapy and taking care of small things, by entire being seemed like it was ignored, especially when our persecutors fronted. I've had to come a long way in the past couple of months dealing with not being able to express as host besides through my writing, and I've been encouraged by my partners to let switches naturally happen rather than fighting them. It has gotten rather messy in these weeks, resulting in almost daily conflict with one of my partners (he doesn't mesh well with my persecutor feeling sorry for us existing), and our other partner has largely had to deal with the fallout of those conflicts when we get time together. Both of them have become quite exhausted by it, and I've been since our childhood. Basically, I was told to be open and honest with everything happening, and one of my partners suggested that part of my anguish was likely due to me trying to control things and resisting being pushed from front so often, as it really exacerbated my depersonalization and dissociative systems. So then I just tried to go with the flow and let switches happen, which was kind of disasterous. My persecutor, while in valid pain from actions from one partner, was very destructive when trying to make it clear that there were issues, and due to not being precise with wording and being very aggressive, made issues a lot worse and further created distance between our system and our external partners. Naturally, after a solid couple of months of this, my partners finally became exhausted as well, despite me having made huge strides in self work in literally the week before everything blew up--ones that directly affected my trauma healing, and really opened up cooperation within our system. System communication got better seemingly overnight, we're able to work with our persecutors now, and we've externally been much more stable as well, though still kind of shaky. Last week, I was triggered by a couple of things that I had decided to let go, and due to trying to figure out the schedule for the day, not having our ADHD meds, and the triggers, we got a bit flustered. Both partners aggressively tried to make us tell them what was triggered, and being small triggers, we were really wanting to try to move past them on our own. Upon insisting that we speak on it, we were very flustered, and both partners lost patience with us very quickly, and both seperately within the same day. Despite the progress, both partners basically said things along the lines of "Well, we've only had a total of 3 good days in the past two months, even if you weren't trying to start or have issues with anything, we're still really in gear to deal with that." I've been told that I need to move on with things, despite there being a very clear external issue that caused me to be so insecure (not just my persecutor's fears expressing for illogical reasons, the fears were directly being reinforced by behaviors of one partner, and though we've finally gotten past that bump of why what he did hurt so badly, there's new baggage to deal with until the relationship is strengthed again.) I've also been told that they both feel like I just exist and they somehow always just upset me, which makes me feel like shit. It went from support, to exhaustion, to a little reprieve from my rapid switching, to them absolutely losing it at me for just being anxious. At any other point, I feel I would have probably deserved it, but I was honestly trying to drop the things we got into a dispute about from the beginning, with both of them on the same day. I couldn't help how jumbled my brain felt, and I kept very sorrowfully expressing that I wasn't trying to fight or make anyone feel bad for anything, and they were the ones pushing me to be open. It was painful to say in the least, and I definitely understand the exhaustion. We all do. Our body feels awful all the time, and switches actually make me smell different when they happen due to chemical changes in the body when others front, namely cortisol and addrenaline when we become very upset. I know it can't be easy to deal with externally, but they really pushed me to be completely open, and I wish they had expressed to me that they really needed a break before letting loose on us like that. Especially since I had been offering a break, and really honestly lamenting the fact that they had to deal with so much from me. I've been trying to figure out what we needed to share and what we needed to deal with ourselves, and just genuinely wishing that I could take a break too. It's really messed with our sense of safety. Our persecutor is trying so hard to do the work to get healthy now, but no longer feels safe to express at all around our partners. Our other persecutor, despite having not gotten along with the one mentioned formerly in the past, is now strongly taking her side and also doesn't feel safe since she expresses a very different, but also visceral anxiety. Our little is also very hurt, and I'm not sure that she feels safe to express any longer either. Our primary protector is exhausted from having to do damage control caused by the blow up, which directly effects our creativity. Our system has two hosts, and one is largely busy dealing with the fact that we're about to go back to work despite the current state of the U.S. and the fact that she's been mostly dormant due to the fact that she handles social things and we haven't had a job since March due to fear for health. So as the other and I suppose primary host, I've decided to override and deal with daily life again. I wanted to front more, but it really sucks that these are the circumstances that allow that to happen. My system is very hurt, and until our persecutors can work through some of our trauma more, none of us are really comfortable with them fronting around either of our partners anymore, despite them thoroughly apologizing and one of them even telling me that I didn't deserve the words she gave to me that day. I guess I should wrap this up, I'm not even sure where it's going anymore. We've had a few really good days, but that puts pressure on us not to "screw up" and cause discomfort, even though discomfort is largely still part of our existence, even despite the great progress we've personally made in these past two weeks. I, as the primary host, am exhausted, and while I've had a lot of fun being out, I'm constantly aware of the pain my system is dealing with, and I'm still pretty hurt from it all myself. I am so tired, and it's been a while since I've been in front like this. I have so many new tools from therapy to help us, but it really is still a lot to handle, and the pressure to have good days is a lot, especially since getting dissociative means me completely removing myself from my partners for the safety of my system, and honestly for them. They've really been doing their best to support us in this, and I hate that they got so burned out. Anyway, to anyone who read to the end or really any of it at all, thank you. I really needed to get this out somewhere, and it's nice to be in a subreddit where people understand in their own ways what we're going through, though I do hate the collective pain we all endure. TL;DR: I'm mostly just getting my feelings out about not feeling as safe as I thought I did in our relationship, and the regression of our alters due to that realization. As the primary host, I'm expressing my exhaustion of trying to retake my position as host after other alters had been feeling okay enough to front more often, trying to be externally and genuinely nicer to be around because I know we've been a rollercoaster, and trying to at the same time communicate and help alters that have been hurt most recently by the events caused by the burnout of my partners constantly dealing with my switches. I don't know what I'm looking for as far as advice or comfort goes, but I'll accept any thoughts anyone has on the matter.
2020.07.24 20:30 VanyarielStruggling with decision.
Hi! 😊 I'm currently struggling with indecisiveness, so I'm interested, how you handle this: I (f, 27) have been bi as long as I can remember, but had only straight relationships up to now. Now that I'm a few month out of a long term relationship with my ex and I met a girl I'm really attracted to. She has a great personalty, is funny, intelligent, smoking hot and the sex is absolutely great and I enjoy it a lot. But still, I'm kinda missing sex with a man too. Yah, you can use a lot of toys to get closer to heterosexual sex, but it still isn't the same (good lord, in many points I love that it isn't the same!). I just like both kinds of sex equally and romantically I'm attracted to both sexes equally too. I never considered myself as polyamourous, since I don't think I could handle if my partner would hook up with or love another person besides of me - so I'm more on the monogamous side. But still I'm currently struggling with the dilemma between my needs and my conscience. I don't expect any solutions for this from you people, it would just be nice to read your experiences and how you handle these feelings.
2020.07.18 18:33 a738How can an introvert start dating polyamourously?
Tldr: I'm in my mid-twenties, have never had any real poly or mono relationship experience. Now want to start a healthy poly relationship but don't know how to find a guy. Idk how to start dating. I m already in my mid-20s and have never had any real relationship because I didn't (still don't) want to possess or be possessed by another person as if we were some chattle, nor do I want to give up my personal rights and freedom for anyone. I had always known, even before I had come across the concept of polyamory, that if ever I get into a relationship, it must be on the condition that each person in the relationship is free to date or sleep wth anyone or do anything s/he likes. So I am polyamourous more as a matter of principle than because I truly enjoy having many partners. But I had never sought anyone out because I had not known anyone who shared my philosophy, and I know I would be laughed at if I told other people what I thought. So my way of staying free and avoiding possessive relationships was to avoid relationships altogether. This worked because I don't have much of a sex drive and am very introverted. But since having a brief taste of love sometime ago (it didn't work out because, to cut a long story short, he was a mono guy basically cheating on his gf and me, keeping both of us in the dark of the other relationship), I really yearn to love and be loved again. I still don't want to be in a mono relationship for much of the same reasons as those that were keeping me from dating when I was younger, but I just don't know how to find a partner without making myself a unicorn or a "mistress " of some cheating guy. Any advice? Edit: thanks all for pointing me to the right direction, it feels a very supportive environment here :))
2020.07.13 20:13 MaxtheBlobfish1701I recently got my first girlfriend but a few days after our first date, she came out as Polyamorous to me. and I need help figuring things out.
I was originally friends with this girl for a few months, then things got romantic and we fell for each other, we went on our first date on Saturday and it was lovely, I really feel something for this woman. But after our first day, she said she was polyamourous (Meaning she loves more than 1 person). I'm Monogamistic by nature (Meaning I love one person at a time) so it feels very unsettling to have my partner with another guy. But I am a Bisexual male, so I feel like (If the other guy is also bi) that we could make Polygamy work. But I still heavily prefer me and my girlfriend to just be Mono. Is there anyway I can convince her to be Mono with me? Should I try to make Polygamy work with us 3? Or should I break up with her and find someone that's willing to be mono? I really, badly, want her to just be Monogamistic with me, but Im willing to keep an open mind and try Polygamy if I have to. Please, Reddit, give me some advice so I can finally be happy with someone. I need help. EDIT: Boys lmfao she forgot to mention to me the other guy lives in Ohio when me and her live in Idaho, I was afraid of physically sharing her and becoming a 3rd wheel, but it turns out he's bisexual and willing to equally share her. So it's not really an issue anymore. I finally made it boys, my first girlfriend (And my first threesome if comes to visit ;))
Hello everyone. I am new to reddit, but wanted to share a murder I heard on a podcast about a year ago. (on either Morbid, or My Favorite Murder, I can't remember) The details are as followed. Robert Eric Wone, a 32 year old lawyer living in VA, was working as counsel at Radio Free Asia in Washington D.C. After getting off late from work one night (around 10:30 pm), Wone drove to a friends house in the Logan Circle neighborhood of Washington. This had been pre-arranged, as Robert knew he would most likely be getting off late and did not want to endure a long ride back to Oakton, Virginia. The house Wone was staying at on the night of the murder, was owned by Joseph Price (aka Joseph Anderson) and his partner Victor Zaborsky. A man named Dylan Ward was also living in the same house, in a polyamourous relationship with Joseph and Victor. Wone drove to his friends house directly after work, at around 10:30 pm. Neighbors reported hearing a scream coming from the neighbors house during the 11:00 pm news (before 11:35pm) Victor Zaborsky made a 9-1-1 call at 11:49. It was later determined that the scream heard at 11:00 pm, was Zaborsky's. Wone was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead at 12:24 AM on August 3, less than 2 hours after leaving work. According to statements, Wone was said to have been "restrained, incapacitated, and sexually assaulted." Paramedics responding to the scene "found the three residents calm behavior unusual; no one was screaming or even helping direct paramedics." Three months after Wone's death? Joseph Price's brother and an accomplice burglarized the D.C. townhouse, getting away with more than $7,000 of electronics. All charges were dropped. How Convenient. Any thoughts or theories surrounding this case? I am leaning towards Price being involved. P.S the only info I could find on this was on Wikipedia. It matched the events I can remember from the podcast I listened to. If anyone has more info PLEASE link! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Robert_Eric_Wone
2020.07.09 19:00 AdrokorSo tired of these things...
Is anyone else sick of conversations with non-polyamourous people turning almost IMMEDIATELY to sex? I (28M) am part of a triangle with my gf (24F) and my partner (32F) and explaining that to ANYONE outside the community almost always subtly or otherwise prompts them to ask about how offten we all have sex. It honestly makes me want to scream "That is not remotely any of your business and if you were talking to a monogamous person about their S/O you wouldn't even THINK to start the convo with that!" I'm not interested in talking to strangers about my sex life (because this community can actually just be happy about it Ill say it is a healthy one though). I just wish itd stop going right to sex! Ask me about the emotional support! Ask me how we decide where to eat (the answer is: I'm daddy I choose)! Ask me how I fit 3 shampoos, 3 conditioners, and 3 body wash bottles in my bathroom (my partner doesn't live with me but she still keeps shower stuff here)! On a related note Im also tired of being compared to swingers too! I have nothing against swingers but thats not what polyamory is all about and explaining polyamory as "a belief that I can have relationships with multiple consenting adults" either gets translated as being a swinger or being in an "open relationship" neither of which I find to be accurate comparisons. I just dont understand why people have such a hard time wrapping their head around a very simple concept. Edit: By "Strangers" I mean anyone outside my immediate family or friends. This rant was triggered by a coworker FYI
2020.06.29 18:19 dramaoftherecycledBreaking up with housemate
Hello and thank you for reading this. I have been having a lot of trouble dealing with a housemate with whom I had a fling. For the record, they are in a polyamourous relationship with another friend of mine, we have had some huge fights over the year regarding all of this complex confusing relationship. Now my housemate and I have broken up, because a) I am crazy monogamous, b) we have an incredible amount of baggage and finally my mental health issues make it impossible for me to trust someone and keeps me insecure all the time. Now I am mostly freaking out because I have anxiety attacks, intrusive thoughts and extreme hatred towards self and them everytime I see them or think of them, which is very often. I have also acted terribly, more than I care to mention, there is a lot more to this story that couldn't possibly fit this text. I am also terrified of seeing their partner who I feel was 'chosen' over me and who only adds to my insecurities more than I can withstand. I have been breaking apart and find it impossible to stay sane in the environment. I just want to run away. There is also a lot of bad blood between us and as much as I try I can not forgive them or their partner or forgive myself for acting and thinking so horribly. My only hope is that I will move out soon and live alone but I am very confused. TL;DR: slept with polyamorous roommate and broke up creating a lot of tension and anxiety for me coupled with jealousy and a sense of rejection
2020.06.20 16:11 Reddcross“A Wolf in Wolves Clothing”: Johnnybiceps Fan Fiction Chapter 2 “The Domestic Life of Johnnybiceps (Part I)”
Johnnybiceps, “the scourge of the Burning Steppes”, had a private life. He had a history. He was once a child, now a man. He went to school, studied Orcish literature, minored in Tauren Azeroth studies, dabbled in theater. He trained in the ways of war, as Orcs do. He considered a job as a bureaucrat in Thrall’s administration (he had the qualifications and his mother encouraged it), but violence was too great a draw. Violence was his natural occupation. He had a loving family, loyal (and disloyal) friends, and a rich intimate life. Johnnybiceps was an openly polyamourous homosexual. And, despite his violent reputation, in his domestic life he was caring, loving and selfless in his tender moments. In his modest home in Orgrimmar he looked after his three male partners, Raymond, Jax and Steven, and his cat Oren. He did the dishes regularly; he cooked the meals; he took the garbage out before it was full. He would prepare little box lunches for his partners before they left on their adventures. He would lovingly kiss them as they departed and at times would write little poems and tuck them in their box lunches - to be discovered. Then, he would don his blood stained armor, collect his axe, check its edge, depart for the Wind Rider, fly to the Burning Steppes and hunt the vulnerable. * * * One night, in the afterglow of coitus, Raymond (a handsome dark skinned Tauren Shaman) propped himself up on his pillow, “JB, what are you thinking about?” Raymond asked. Oren slept between them purring. “Oh, you of course” Johnnybiceps replied, staring at the ceiling, one hand behind his head the other hand stroking Oren. “No, what are you really thinking about?” Raymond asked, smiling, “Something is on your mind.” Raymond gently patted Oren. “Well, the Burning Steppes are great, I love it there, but it is not big enough for me” Johnnybiceps paused, he looked Raymond in eyes, “I want more.” “More of me?” Raymond asked, leaning in, smiling. Johnnybiceps laughed, “Yes, Raymond” he leaned in, kissed Raymond, a love peck, and laid back on his pillow. Raymond now content, Johnnybiceps continued, “But seriously, I want to attack Stormwind.” “Stormwind!?” Raymond said, “They’ll kill you. It’s too much, way too much. You won’t make it past Major Mattingly. Maybe the Eastern Plaguelands, maybe you could take that, Jax and I can help, we can start at Light's Hope, but Stormwind? JB, think of your family. We need you.” Raymond was now sitting up, Indian style, tail drooping over the side of the bed. He dropped an illumination totem on the night stand. It was time to talk. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Stay tuned for Chapter 3 “Anna” to be released June 27th, 9am! Read Chapter 1 "The Burning Burning Burning Steppes" here: https://www.reddit.com/Grobbulus/comments/h86om7/a_wolf_in_wolves_clothing_johnnybiceps_fan/
2020.06.13 18:31 TygersbayneA Crushed Crush, End of a Journey
Before I dive in, I should note that I (29F) am polyamourous with three partners, (30M), (30M), and (34M). That being said, I've had this crush for a long time and I've been doing multiple spreads on him to see if something would happen. We got into a fight recently and made up, and he started to see someone. I made the decision to do one final 5 card spread on the topic and get some closure. I got: King of Pentacles The High Priestess The Emporer Page of Pentacles Reversed The World I learned that I should appreciate and value what I have and enjoy those around me. My primary partner is The Emporer, my crush the Page, and finally I got closure from the Reversed World. I think it was a good final spread for the topic and I can move on to bigger and better things. I thanked my deck after.
2020.06.09 17:23 gazellefanIs my heart aching after a breakup a proof that I had feelings?
Sorry for the weird title, I didn't find any better formulation. And sorry in advance for the broken english, it's my third language and I don't speak it everyday. I (23F) am currently on the train, going back home from my ex's (27M) place. We had been dating for more than 6 months now. We started only as sex friends but we matched pretty well. I was honest and said that feelings usually take some time to come with me and he was ok with that. We then started dating seriously knowing that no feelings were involved yet. We were an open couple and we communicated well, openly and honestly together. We both were sleeping with other people and even talked about polyamourous relationships. At this point, we were quite attached. Recently, I realized that I had feeling for someone else, while my feelings for him were not romantic for sure (how the hell do you know that you LOVE someone?). I decided to tell him last week. He took it really well even though we talked again about me not being sure about my feelings towards him. Few days afterwards, I decided to end things though. I thought that everyone deserves his partner to be 100% sure about their feelings. Even though I, presumably, have no romantic feelings for him, I am hurt, a lot. So here's my question : is it a proof that there indeed were feelings involved? How do I know?
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